List of quotes in Crash Tag Team Racing said by Doctor Neo Cortex
This is a list of quotes said by Doctor Neo Cortex in Crash Tag Team Racing. (video 1), (video 2). Cutscenes *"Ha ha ha! It's only a matter of time before we deal with these meddlesome rodents forever! Hahahahahaha- Ow!" [Hit by chicken thrown by Crash] *"What is the meaning of this? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing?" *"Well tingle all you want. I have an appointment with world domination." *[Reply to N-Gin's comment about turning Von Clutch's Motorworld into a new base of operations] Yes. A new sinister base, all the churros we can eat, and rid ourselves of the bandicoots all at the same time!" *"So, if I win you'll hand over the deed to this amusement enterprise? No questions asked?" *[When Willie Wumpa Cheeks makes his first appearance] "Holy cannoli! [Jumps behind N-Gin] What is that thing?" *"Okay Von Clutch we're in. Where do we start?" *"I haven't put my crooked finger on it yet folks, but something's fishy around here. There's someone or something rigging these tracks, and it should be me!" *"Curses. Some sinister force is upstaging my evil plan! Curses, Curses, CURSES!" *"Those retched bandicoots foiled my plan to take over this amusement enterprise!" *[Reply to N-Gin giggling insanely] "Stop having fun! Oblierate them!" *''his shot fails'' "What?" *[When Crash throws a chicken into his ship's engine] "I hate chicken." *[When his ship starts malfunctioning] "We'll meet again Crash Bandicoooottttt! (Voice fades away) Missions *"Oh, it's you, Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... my head's too big! I mean, look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I need you to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't want my butt to look so big!" *"Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you have to get me something black and fetching!" *"Uh!! Why are you still here and talking to me, Crash? Go! Go on! Fetch!" *"Crash, I swear, if you bother me once more, it's laser-to-the-eyeball time!" *"Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever is behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this Power Crystal. I found it in a dumpster covered in that disgusting Wumpa Whip, so... I don't want to keep it." *"Oh, Crash! Um... Coco asked me to get this car working for her but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high-quality gears, can you bring them to me?" *"Oh, good. It will make your sister so happy." *"Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, NOW!" *"Crash, why are you back here?! '-angrily- You're making me very--!' Uh.. You're making your sister sad." *"Crash, you cantankerous twerp! What are you even doing back here?" *"SHUT UP!! Get me that gear!" *"You did it! You brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car, I will win the deed to the park for sure, and destroy every Bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks!" *"Ohhhh, Craaaaash! Can you help me out? I need Power Crystals to charge my new weapon of mass-- Uh, helping people... Can you bring me some Crystals to fuel my latest creation and "help" as many people as possible?" *"Crash, you blithering imbecilic boob! How am I supposed to destro-- "Help" you Bandicoots without enough Power Crystals? Get moving, hairball!" *"Maybe I wasn't clear, Crash. If I'm going to "help" the people of the world, I need those Power Crystals! Good ones! These weapons of mass helping people don't build themselves, you know!" *"Oh, yes, that's right. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack, I suppose. Just get me those Crystals, you idiot!" *"Ohhhh, long, firm Power Crystals to fuel my new rampaging creation. Meet me on the race tracks, Crash, and I will show you a real car." When interacting with Crash *"Ah, yes. Crash, my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?" *"Crash! What a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it! Wait here." *"Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that wood chipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?" *"Crash! You're looking very fit and trim! Those palates are doing wonders for your figure." *"Hello, Crash Bandicoot! Goodbye, Crash Bandicoot." *"Hello Crash. It's always a torture-- Uh, I mean... Pleasure to see you." *"Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his Wumpa Pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?" *"Oh, do I despise that orange-pelted rodent. Uhh... Ah, Crash! My old pal! I was just on a tirade about you!" *"Salutations, my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife." *"Ugh! Crash Bandicoot, stop hounding me!" *"Why Crash Bandicoot! My old friend! Have you ever heard the Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with fava beans? Hmm. Well remind me to tell you sometime." *"Yes, yes! Don't bother me, Crash! Can't you see I'm working on your demise?! The nerve!" When attacked by Crash *"I thought you liked me!" *"Oh, the pain of it all!" *"Why me?! I'm so pretty!" *"It's juvie all over again!" *"When I get my ray gun, you're through!" *"Just back off, man!" *"You can't do that to me! No one can!" *"Why would you do that?" *"The pain! The sweet pain!" *"Nobody makes me bleed from there!" *"Stop it, please!" *"Meanie!" *"Ow!" When starting a race *"After I win, I want to be hand-fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda." *"Attention, everyone! Follow me!" *"Fill 'er up and check my oil!" *"How much longer till we get there?!" *"I bore easily. Do try and keep up." *"It's okay everyone. I'll hold back a bit to keep an interesting." *"May the best cheat win!" *"My, my. So many balloons of hope for me to pop." *"Now, I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers." *"Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!" *"Okay, dregs of society! Time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!" *"Soon you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!" *"This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me!" *"Keep the root beer on ice. This won't take long." *"Wait, wait! I'm not buckled in!" When starting from a standstill *"Who's your daddy?" *"Hey! Pretty good pickup in this heap!" *"Nice skid marks!" *"Engage!" *"Rolling rolling rolling!" *"Yeehaw!" *"Mad scientist coming through!" *"1.2 gigawatts of power!" *"I feel the need! The need for acceleration!" *"Oh, I love that rumbling sensation." *"Fear my fossil fueled wrath!" *"Such power! Such speed! I'm quite a catch!" *"I just love when that happens." *"Down, boy! Steady!" *"Ladies react very favorable to that." *"Impressive! Most impressive!" *"I am Cortex, hear me roar!" *"I've got lots of torque, and I'm not afraid to use it!" *"Burn baby burn! Like a disco inferno!" When passing by an opponent vehicle *"Last time I saw a car like that, someone was feeding it hay!" *"Breaker 1.9! Here comes rubber ducky!" *"Hahaha! I'm funky fresh, and beautiful!" *"You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work! '-belch-'" *"Ain't my backside pretty?" *"Make way for Agent Beauty!" *"Who's your daddy?" *"And to think, I didn't meet the height requirements for this ride '-chuckles-'" *"Little do they know, I flunked driver's ed." *"Bow before my rancid villainy!" *"Tell me, how does losing feel?" When passed by an opponent vehicle *"Where's the highway patrol when you need them?" *"Back off, homeboy!" *"Well, that's not a very nice thing to do." *"Apparently they don't realize... I'M supposed to win!" *"I just know my hair tuffs are causing wind drag." *"Somebody's not aware that I'm the king of the road!" *"You ain't all that." *"Perhaps it's time to start racing." *"Hey, come on! I really need to get there first!" *"Oh, I'll get you for that! Get you good!" *"You, filthy peon, get back here so I can whack you!" *"Hey, you! Mr. ... guy!" *"Hey! Don't make me pull this car over!" *"Now, that's a good way to taste the back of my hand." *"Oh, I get it. One of us is supposed to come in first!" When carrying an item *"With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds." *"Haha! Jewels! More jewels!" *"Crystals are a doctor's best friend." *"This will surely come in handy for evil." *"Ohh, shiny!" *"Oh, nice!" *"That's great! What's it for?" *"Now the circle of pain is complete." *"Oh would you look at that? A present!" *"The power! The power!" *"Oh, how excellent!" *"Every mad scientist's dream." *"I'm hiding this Crystal in my special place." *"No one will ever take this from me. No one!" *"I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon." *"Begin quivering with excitement." *"Powers of Cortex, activate!" *"Better me than any of those other nitwits." *"I will build a super weapon of incredible destructive force! Eventually." *"Where on Earth am I going to keep all this booty?" *"I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!" *"Hahaha! The wonderful power!" *"Mine! Mine! All mine!" *"I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel." *"I'm happy! I'm really, really happy!" *"Another for the collection!" When brushing against an opponent vehicle *"Stop your whining! I'm insured!" *"Why me?" *"Save the brain!" *"This is just great!" *"Send a bill to the office!" *"Was that trip really necessary?" *"Such violence in a children's park! Tsk! Tsk!" *"Going to need a new kidney from my organ donor clone!" *"Relax, Cortex. You know their weakness: Doomsday weapons!" *"Scum off, bat-bag! I mean... oh, never mind." *"That was more painful than it looked. Really." *"Why does this always happen to me?!" *"Pick on someone your own size, shrimpy!" *"Don't try that at home, kiddies!" *"Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?" *"I'm calling my mommy on you!" *"Blast you, Sunday driver!" *"Watch the paint, watch the paint!" *"I think I wet myself!" *"Excuse me gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?!" *"Ugh! What sicko came up with this ride?" *"That's no way to treat a man on his way to church!" *"There goes my good insurance rate!" *"You're just making it worse for yourself." *"Mmph! I swallowed my beard!" *"Hey! That hurt!" *"Come on, Cortex, you can do better than that!" *"I skinned my knee!" *"Now how am I supposed to respond to that action?" *"Wow, that was fun, and a little scary too." *"Come back here and plow into me like a man!" *"Now why in the world was that necessary?" *"Sometimes I feel like a motherless Cortex." *"Hey there! Watch where I'M driving!" *"Ta-ta! You should know better than to mess with a man's wheels!" *"Hey, hey, I'm driving here!" *"Uh! You're a lawsuit waiting to happen!" *"Excuse me, buster, but where were you when they went over the rules?" *"I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe." *"That had better not have been on purpose, YOU!" *"Mad scientists have the right of way! Jerk!" *"That was a close shave! ...With razor bumps!" *"Where's your sense of decency, man!?" *"Now how did that not end in a fiery death?" *"My great skills of nearsightedness caused that!" *"That surely shaved a year or so off my life!" *"Hey there! Watch where I'm going!" *"Nothing like a soothing drive in the country..." *"Hey there buddy, this isn't California you know!" *"I'll bet he won't have to shave for a week!" *"Shoot! I'll get him on the next lap!" *"Why did I ever remove that wonderful cow catcher?" *"Hmm. I must have my contacts checked." *"Rusty, Cortex, you're getting rusty!" *"How in the world did I miss that lollygagger?" *"I would've hit him, but this game is rated 'E'." *"Choke on my exhaust, pedestrian scum!" *"Vehicular man slaughter!? I like the sound of that!" When brushing against a wall *"Not my baby!" *"Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait... I probably shouldn't say that." *"Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!" *"Somebody get me a tissue!" *"Great! I just washed this vehicle!" *"Oh the humanity!" *"Hit me! Do I not bleed?" *"Oh, now who put that there?" *"Nooo! I love this car!" *"AHH! My car!" *"Is this the price of victory?" *"¿Dónde están mis pantalones? (Where are my pants?)" *"How am I going to talk my way out of this one?" *"Oh yeah? Well, the more you hit me, the weaker I become!" *"I don't like this part of the race much." *"Summon my proctologist!" When flying through the air *"It's the only way to fly!" *"Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!" *"I always was the best student at evil medical school." *"This is great, but re-entry can be rough." *"If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!" *"Woohoo! I can see my house from here!" *"Hey! I never read the landing procedure!" *"Uh-oh. That burrito is making an encore visit!" *"Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!" *"Now this is what I call an E-ticket ride!" *"Up up and away!" *"Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!" *"Whoa! I think I'm going to be sick!" When attacking an opponent vehicle *"I hope you enjoy the taste of hot vengeance." *"Sayonara, sappy!" *"Now that had to hurt! Ehhahaha!" *"Ingest the sugary goodness of my evil!" *"Taste my smoldering intellect!" *"Hahaha! Just like back in Da Nang!" *"That's just wrong! ...But it sure feels right." *"How did that deliciousness taste?" *"I shouldn't enjoy this so much!" *"The next one is going right up your nose." *"Yes! Chalk up another point for scum and villainy! *"Fiery ordinance, the gift that keeps on giving." *"Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this!" *"My skills are honed like a spride jungle cat! Meow!" *"Back you animals!" When destroying an opponent vehicle *"Oh! Now I do feel guilty about that one!" *"Flame on!" *"It's so good to be so bad." *"Don't worry, that was a mercy killing." *"Toodle-oo!" *"It's not my fault he sucks platypus eggs!" *"You have met my destiny! Nice, isn't it?" *"Now you know who the real mad scientist is!" *"I'd say he's not operational. ..hehehe..." *"Ohh, I did a bad thing! Eeheehee." *"So sorry! Not!" *"Chalk off another booby!" *"Another shrimp on the barbie!" *"You win some, you lose some." *"Next time, just call in sick." *"Everyone's gotta go sometime!" *"I visit upon you terrible friction!" *"Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!" When destroyed by an opponent vehicle *"Boo-hoo! My beautiful ride!" *"I'm all brains and no gas." *"Uh! This ought not happen to a Cortex!" *"Ohh!! For heaven's sake, someone put it out of its misery!" *"How did I ever get stuck with this heap?" *"Well, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!" *"Uh, excuse me. Can anyone give me a lift home?" *"Ugh. To think I was top of my class in evil medical school." *"I hope none of my henchmen saw that." *'"MOMMY!!!"' *"I don't deserve this!" *"You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?" *"I'll take the rest in a doggy bag." *"Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?" *"Evil madman... will work for shiny new vehicle!" *"Waiter! Check, please!" *"I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer!" When hit by a weapon *"AAAHHH!!!! I wet my pants..." *"I wonder if that will affect my lease agreement." *"Well, there's sportsmanship for you." *"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my team?" *"That's it! I want my money back!" *"Fool! Watch where you're aiming that thing!" *"OHHH!! I lost my ATM card!" *"Is that any way to treat a feeble old man?" *"You're mean you know that? Meanie!" *"Stop that! Only villains get to shoot at people!" *"Hey, when I hit you, I didn't mean you could hit back!" *"Two can play at that game, weasel!" *"Sheesh! I'd rather be a hammer than a nail!" *"Ohhh, the pain!" *"We're a peaceful planet. We have no weapons!" When breaking a trackside target *"Ooh! I hope there's something devilish in there!" *"I just adore that sound, don't you?" *"Goodies! Goodies for me!" *"Smashing just happens to be one of my specialties." *"I saw it first!" *"What I don't use I can sell on the internet." *"They don't build crates like they used to." *"Oh, um... Coco did it." *"Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery!" *"I feel so... satisfied!" *"Whoopsie, my bad!" *"Now that's why I chose to be a bad guy!" *"Crumble, you fool!" *"Cortex giveth and Cortex taketh away." *"Put your hands up and give me the goods!" *"Break open and shine riches upon me!" *"What does my fortune say, sweet little cookie?" *"A golden shower of riches for me!" When running over a park drone *"Yes! 10 points!" *"Oops! Sorry! Hehe..." *"My, my, was that you?" *"Hmm. I really ought to go back and pick him up. NOT!" *"Hmm! Chalk off another roadkill!" *"It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers." *"An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta do!" *"Take that, animatronic booby!" *"Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!" *"Cry all you want! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalala!" *"Officer, he just walked right out onto the road!" *"I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl!" *"Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!" When clashing *"Trust me, this is good for both of us." *"Together, you and I will do very bad things." *"Wow, that felt good!" *"My heavens, we got us a convoy!" *"Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!" *"Now move a little to the left... That's better." *"I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug!" *"Now this is what I call a Sports Utility Vehicle!" *"How do you like it on the dark side, huh?" *"You're chassis or mine?" *"Not bad! We need to see each other more often." *"Like my parasitic twin used to say, 'Two heads are better than one!'" *"You know how to shoot, don't you? Just curl your finger around the trigger and pull." *"It's obvious. We were meant to be together." *"Can you sense the antici....pation?" When declashing *"Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?" *"And I'm spent." *"Cortex is a lone wolf; a bald eagle; a burrowing hamster." *"Thanks for your help. Now stay out of my way, vermin!" *"Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!" *"I can't be seen with you. I just can't." *"Look, I think we should see other people." *"I've had it with you, meddling kid!" *"Stay away from me, you freak!" *"Now you just hang back and watch me win." *"Now tell me how my backside looks. Tell me!" *"You're just not evil enough for me." When winning a race *"You want to try that again, smarty pants?" *"Is I good or is I good?" *"Better luck next time, loser!" *"Oh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me." *"I'm quick and nimble like a little cockroach." *"You must be Agent 00 Zero: Licensed to miss." *"Nice shot. Next time, try AIMING!" *"Oh, Cortex, when will they ever learn?" *"Nice try! Next time, open your eyes when firing!" *"Trust me, it's easier when you don't SUCK pig toes." *"Really? You should go and find an easier target than me." *"Close, but no long cigar." *"Hahahaha! Sweet victory! Alright, what'd I win?" *"Yes, yes, hold your applause. Just throw loose change and social security checks." *"Now, now, I shall donate all of my winnings to a most deserving charity-- Me!" *"Who let the canines out? Woof, Woof, Woof!" *"Sweet, sweet victory!" *"The doctor is in!" *"Oh, I just love success." *"In the battle between good and evil, evil always wins. Because good is dumb." *"And daddy thought I would amount to nothing." *"Okay, where's my showcase? Where's my showcase?" *"I owe it all to you, my unworthy opponents." *"Can I purchase that big pink teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?" *"Is this where I win my lifetime supply of used nose plugs?" *"Bow before the master of speed and delinquency!" *"Yes, yes. Throw the losers to the rabid hogs." When losing a race *"Haha! Yes! Err... Oh. I meant to do that." *"Well, really, I'm more of a tiddlywinks man." *"Haha! Uh, actually, I'm just trying to psyche you out, DUDE." *"Next time I'll miss you a little closer!" *"That's just wrong in every sense of the word!" *"Obviously, I'm in a generous mood today." *"Scram all you want, but you're going to get your medicine." *"I have plenty more where that came from!" *"I hope there's a remedy for my filthy shame." *"Where did my training fail me?" *"I'm just softening you up for my souffle o' pain." *"As you can see, I like to toy with my prey first." *"'-sobbing-' I've been robbed!" *"Well, who's stupid idea was this anyhow?" *"Just as I suspected. Losing isn't everything." *"Oh! Why did I even bother?" *"Oh, how will I ever face...mother?" *"You know, there's never a time machine around when you need one." *"Oh well. It's everyone else's fault but mine." *"Perhaps my evil plan needs to be... eviler... um... yeah." *"Oh well. Winning is for losers anyhow." *"What are you looking at, buster? It sure isn't my fault!" *"Somedays it just doesn't pay to leave your iceberg lair." *"Oh, the agony of defeat!" *"Always a bridesmaid and never... uh... nevermind." *"I'm such a sore loser! Anyone have any chewable aspirin?" Credits *"Hello, Michelle! Be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids, Neo Andrew and Neo Nichole." *"Mr. Plumbly, you really know how to shoot one pass the goalie! Wink wink, nudge nudge! Little Plumbly is proof of that." *"Isn't he going to thank his wife, or kids?" *"Hi, Elyssa! And the cutest girl in the world." *"Trevor Lim would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met." *"Darren would like to thank no one. He did it all himself!" *"Oh, Jeff, what is up, big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?" *"Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school, and point out that they probably work in a mall now." *"Konichiwa, Maki-chan." *"Angus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude, while he traveled the globe!" *[Reply to N. Gin's comment about the guy getting all the chicks] "Sure, sure he does, but they're ugly!" *[Reply to N. Gin talking about the Gmail] "Uh, hold on! Let me get my pen!" *"Ian says thank you, Mom, Dad, and David. How...sickening!" *"Matthew, see you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday-- No, Friday-- Ahh!" *"Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support." *"Hello, Corey's wife, Laura. You dirty girl!" *"And to my favorite niece, Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her." *"And Bill Farmer, if only he were one." *"Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately, no personality." *"And Duane Shephard. Nobody says ********* with such authority." *"Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbor, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band! Ahaha!" *"And Lex Lang. Oh! I hope to someday meet him!" *"Lydian, the most polite man on the planet." Unused *"Haha! And time to spare!" *"Well, I certainly hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!" *"I'm here, you can start the party!" *"Boys to the left, and girls--'go home!'" *"Okay, where's the nearest concession stand?" *"Alrighty! My bladder is full and I'm feeling desperate!" *"Is this what we're racing for? What a letdown!" *"Okay, what's next?" *"Have I defeated the feeble forces of good yet?" *"Is it time for my barefoot shiatsu yet?" *"How was my time? Did I beat any records?" *"How on Earth did my underpants get on backwards?!" *"Hurry, hurry! The time is nigh!" *"Come on, C biscuit!" *"Losing power, must turn off radio!" *"Quick, you, at the controls! Save me from modder humiliation!" *"Come on, you! Pick up the pace!" *"Hey, you, gamer! You know, it's not just my reputation on the line here!" *"What a terrific time for my hemorrhoids to start flaring up!" *"Full steam ahead!" *"The clock is ticking. Stop the ticking!" *"Now would be a good time to at least TRY to win!" *"I knew I shouldn't have woken up this morning. Curses me!" *"I just know there has to be more to life than this..." *"If only my daddy had not dropped me on my soft spot..." *"Well, of course I'm certain! Wait... Someone might see me talking to myself. Act natural..." *"This and a pair of meat shoes and we're in business!" *"All my life I've waited for Crash's love... I can wait some more." *"I wonder where I get my film processed here." *"This place is a rather large scam if you ask me." *"Von Clutch is a ninny! He must know I always cheat!" *"Honestly, it's not the glory I'm after. It's the cash!" *"How about some waffles?" *"Why am I surrounded by idiots?" *"I'm so glad that Uka Uka is not in this game. That floating fascist!" *"I made shoes out of Dingodile!" *"Oh, put a sock in it!" *"One day I will have Tawna as my trophy wife." *"Did you know that in Japan, Wumpas are just apples?" Category:Quotes Category:Crash Tag Team Racing